Christmas today was pretty good 🙂 Mum and Neil were happy about their presents. I got Mum the Fly My Pretties album on Loop Records, along with a pedometer and a can of L&P (a soft drink only available in New Zealand), and Neil a digital wall thermometer and hygrometer. Rapt.
I had already recieved my christmas present: a return flight to Brisbane, so not much was under the tree for me. I did get this neat gel neck cooler thing — you put it in water for about 2 minutes, and it soaks up and becomes pretty solid, then you chuck it in the fridge, then you velcro it around your neck — so beautifully cold!
Today’s weather was forecast to be 38°C. Neil’s new thermometer reports 38.8°C o_O;
We went swimming at Streets Beach again today — a huge turnout for Christmas Day. Lots of beautiful women. I got a little depressed about how I didn’t have a girl to share the day with. After talking with Mum a little, I guess I lack confidence to approach the ladies.
Mum also said that she thought I’d changed; “like you’ve lost a part of yourself – I used to be able to talk to anyone”. That touched a nerve and I didn’t know what to think about myself anymore.
I don’t think I used to talk to HEAPS of people, but I guess I don’t say much anymore.
I hate making judgement calls on people.
I’ll usually only pipe up when I have something to add to a conversation, like a fact or something funny.
I really like to talk about things I know about, like computers, the internet, christianity, creative commons and copyright.
I don’t start conversations. Maybe that’s the problem. I guess I feel I don’t have anything relevent to say that will be interesting. And that’s probably a lie; I’m an interesting person. I am, right? I don’t know. If chicks find out I’m a hard-core geek, I tend to get judged and stereotyped. I don’t look like a stereotype geek, but I certainly can behave like one.
Mum said I needed to boost my confidence. She said I could look at losing some weight and I should do the things I enjoy to make me feel better about myself. I don’t care too much if I have a beergut. And I do do the things I enjoy.
I work. I love to get on a computer and punch out a website. I love to help others with their computer problems. I love to do the things I do well, and I love learning to do them better. Reading about my industry online. Attending conferences. Stuff like that.
How do I boost my confidence in something I suck at? Getting rejected hurts. I feel like I have so much to offer to some special lady. But putting myself on the line only to get burnt really hurts. I work my courage to go over and say hi, and I put effort into it over a few weeks, and then I figure out that she’s probably not interested in me. That’s a bum deal.
But I guess it’s life. The only way to build my confidence up is to take the chance and try talking to a girl.
